Have you wanted to set a large goal for yourself but are afraid to even give it the time and energy to create the plan to achieve it?

Every achievement starts as an idea, the idea then becomes a theory. That theory when proven then becomes a fact yielding an achievement.  This process is the result of the highest form of positive thinking.

There is a creative form of energy that manifests itself as our imagination.  When activated, it is able to build clear and vivid images.  When we dream, our minds are filled with illogical thoughts like levitating or being outside in a bathing suit while it is snowing and not feeling cold…quite absurd. The same should be the case when building an idea, we need not concern ourselves with the “How”.  First we must build/paint the image and then the “How” will reveal itself to us.  We need to keep our mind free of clutter so we can build/paint this picture in color – we need to be able to use our senses to bring it to reality. When that is done and we have a visual representation of the image, our commitment to being able and willing to create this is a MUST.

This is where we need to step out of our comfort zone and move beyond the limits of our belief system.  This is where doubts try to infiltrate our minds creating fear and then ultimately we give up on our dreams.  Listen, questioning “how”, is pointless as you couldn’t possibly know “how” because you have never done this before so let go of the need to know go and continue to focus on the image.

Once the commitment is set and you are willing and able to move forward, the idea moves into the next phase of the process and turns into a goal.  From here the image is transported to the subconscious mind in the form of emotions and an attachment to the idea turning it into physical form develops. The idea and you begin to merge and your energy levels change, causing behaviors to change. These changes start an attraction force that builds your awareness of the opportunities that always were there but are now visible and in line with your goal.  Through faith and a belief in this idea, you would have moved what was once a dream

Have you ever wondered there may be a better way to doing what you do?  Can you accept that idea?  Are you open minded enough to ask of others and receive differing opinions?  If you are able and willing to look at things through different eyes, you actually are ready to take the first step towards change in your results.

Many times we have completed our daily routine without even thinking twice about things like which shoe or socks went on first, (now that I mentioned it, the thought crossed your mind…smiles) or how you wear your shirt (which arm goes in first, right or left?) whether you brushed your teeth, or even washed your hair? Well…those require a conscious effort so…maybe those aren’t such a great example for this lesson. But anyways …..you get my point

Every time I asked these questions of my audience it always stopped them in their tracks for a second as they think about it. And I would assume the answers probably came to you within seconds as well. But you see when you are actually involved with those activities it’s just one free flow of unconscious actions. No thinking involved

It is therefore very unlikely that you have ever given conscious thought to these things. Why should you? It makes no difference right?…Well wrong! You see we are creatures of habit.  We do things in a certain way because, it works for us and that’s how we have always done it. Why? Well, I don’t know! Maybe because some person of influence in our lives did it that way…you just don’t know…right?.

What has this got to do with anything you may ask? Well, the way we do one thing is the way we do any and everything. The only guarantee of a successful tomorrow is what you do today. John Maxwell says the secret of our success lies in our daily agenda. So maybe it’s time to re-examine how you do what you do and why you do it and see if there is a better more efficient way of doing it? Maybe if you stop for a moment and say ok, I am going to consciously take notice of my life, my actions, my choices, you may immediately see that it’s time for a change.

Awareness is key to moving from a dependent state of doing to an independent state of being.  If you begin to examine your actions you will soon see how your results are connected to the actions that created them. You then notice that you are in fact, the one creating the undesired results that you have. So rather focusing on results, if you focused on the cause of the effect, then the results you get will be the results you desire.

Examine your actions and take responsibility for the outcomes.  Now that you are aware of your outcomes and how you got there, examine these outcomes and decide if these need changed as well.  By focusing on the end result, you can make the necessary changes early on to better direct your time and energy. 

What is that place between perseverance and defeat?  It is what makes someone stay motivated and persistent while others give up and quit. I believe it is Enthusiasm!

How does one get it and how does one keep it? 

Look through your own life experiences to times when you lost your desire to work at something whether it was a career, your team goals, business deal, relationship or something less dramatic as painting a room.  So you didn’t finish the room or you were too tired to touch up the trim.  Maybe you don’t call it quitting because it is insignificant on the giant spectrum of life but with something like a marriage or career, the results could be disastrous.

Imagine you wanted something so wonderful – so out of reach – anything – a car, a career, a house, a spouse, a smaller waistline, whatever it is – imagine it.  Do you feel energy inside you – don’t worry about how you will get it – just imagine it.  The how isn’t important – release that from your mind.  OK, you have that image now.  Now think about that every day.  That image.  Keep that image alive.  Every time you think about it you can add more detail to it.  If it were a house, you can start to add furniture and accessorize the house.  The color of the walls, the carpet or tile or wood flooring.  The light fixtures.  Every time you think about it feel the energy.  That energy is enthusiasm.

Now that you know what that feels like – let’s build on that feeling and keep it alive.  You have a job to do, some task, and you aren’t feeling too motivated or enthusiastic about it.  You can use self-talk to give you energy.  You know that if you do it now you will be grateful later.  You know that this task is the right thing to do and the benefits will outweigh the energy spent on the task now.  Focus on the end result to build your motivation.

Sustain enthusiasm by understanding what the outcome is to your actions.  Enthusiasm is an emotion that you show and feel and sometimes when you aren’t feeling so enthusiastic about something, you can pretend to be and the more you pretend, you trick your mind into believing that you actually are enthusiastic.  It is a phenomenon that will help you sustain your enthusiasm when you aren’t feeling very motivated or full of energy.

Being enthusiastic about a task at hand will spill into other areas of your life and you will see that your positive enthusiastic attitude will lighten up a room.  You will become that person others are drawn to.

How many times have you heard someone say – I don’t want any drama in my life.  That is a very trendy term right now and if you or someone you know is single and dating – that is tossed around like please and thank you!

Some of us are drama junkies and thrive for it as it gives us a sense of importance.  We create it and then swoop in as the savior to “fix” whatever caused it.  Most people claim to hate drama and this is especially true in organizations.

Now you are probably wondering, what is drama?  Drama is any situation that involves conflict leading to a climax.

Does that change your view of drama already?

As much as people abhor conflicting situations, most relationships that stand the test of time do so due to the presence of productive conflicts. Unfortunately on the job, where interpersonal skills are most required, conflicting situations are avoided like a plague.

Author of The Five Dysfunctions of a Team Patrick Lencioni distinguished between “productive ideological conflict and interpersonal politics”. The former is “limited to concepts and ideas and avoids personality-focused, mean spirited attacks.” Great organizations have thrived on productive ideological conflicts that results in buy-in from every member of the team as the process allows for every opinion to be heard and considered so no one harbors resentment for an agreed decision and way forward.

We all know someone who seems to attract drama. Usually these people don’t really want that in their lives but due to some underlying trauma they have experienced in the past, the drama is like a comfortable place for them.  They relive the trauma over and over through drama filled episodes and some of us get caught up in it again and again.

Conflicts in adults can be compared to the terrible twos. Toddlers who haven’t developed their communication skills when dealing with conflict will typically act out with a temper tantrum.  Imagine an adult who is unable to regulate their emotions to handle conflict, he will act out with an adult temper tantrum that may include backstabbing, gossiping, and verbal abuse.

How would you like to learn how to navigate through drama with ease?

Drama exists in the movies for a reason – it is entertaining.  It gives us a distraction momentarily.  We are attracted to drama in the movies much like we are attracted to it in the real world even if we claim we aren’t.  Drama is caused by a distorted thought and we always have the option, the choice, to engage or disengage in the events about to unfold.

1. Staying away from distorted thinking and distorted thinkers is a start.  If you don’t feed the beast, it will go somewhere else to eat.
2. When someone is unloading on you, listen.  Just listen.  They are looking for an ear not your opinion.

This will keep you from engaging in the situation, which can escalate the problem. Don’t talk – don’t discuss – don’t look for a solution.  Let the energy die down before engaging in any conversation.

Looking back to my under grad and post grad years I realize all I ever knew was what I was taught or told and all I ever did was based on how I was taught to do it. Reflecting on those memories, there is an awakening in me that I lacked any moment of awareness of self from teenage years in post grad. To put it simply I developed no use of my higher faculties to understand and evaluate subject matter. I knew “what to think” but didn’t “know how to think.”

When we were in elementary and secondary school, we were taught what to think. We were subjected to a lot of information and now, the trend is to teach to pass a test. We memorize what is needed, take the test, and then forget what we remembered.  If we pursued higher education, most of us college graduates continued down the same path of learning what to think again for that anticipated test at the end of each semester.

This is what Napoleon Hill referred to in his all-time classic book Think and Grow Rich as “accumulated experience,…taught in public schools and colleges…that part of man’s experience that has been organized and recorded.” It isn’t until we pursue advanced degrees that we are then required to know how to think.

Consider this conclusion from the National Commission on Excellence in Education in its landmark report, A Nation at Risk, 1983:

“Many 17-year olds do not possess the “higher-order” intellectual skills we should expect of them.  Nearly 40 percent cannot draw inferences from written material; only one-fifth can write a persuasive essay; and only one-third can solve a mathematics problem requiring several steps.”

 This trend in education has taught us to mind dump everything we know when sharing information. When conducting masterminds, leadership development sessions, personal growth trainings or presenting your principles and ideas to prospects, do you take a moment and evaluate your approach? Are you unconsciously mind dumping everything you know, in your allotted time, or are you taking the time to help others develop their own thoughts and conclusions?

I have found, that except these programs are designed, developed and delivered in a way that engages participants at their level of awareness and matches their style of learning, such programs will fail. In your delivery, organize and intelligently direct your approach to heighten awareness levels in participants so as to make informed conclusions.

Critical thinking is a higher-order level of thinking. It is the ability to think for one’s self, drawing inferences and responsibly make those decisions that affect one’s life.  In addition, it also entails critical inquiry: investigating problems, asking questions, and posing new challenging answers.

Consider the benefits of helping develop others’ critical thinking skills.  They will be able to better understand your ideas and better accept your methodologies if they are able to understand, evaluate and conclude in a critical way. In addition, by developing your own critical thinking skills, you will be better equipped to share your life changing information with your clients, co-workers, friends and family.

Critical thinking requires advanced listening skills. Lecturing to others is a passive activity that does not inhibit audience participation. To critically evaluate needs, it is necessary to present ideas and then allow the group to develop conclusions – openly discuss and debate these new ideas.  Allow the group to think deeply about the ideas apply to them and, value what they think and feel. Share these ideas in an environment that allows them to think their ideas matter. Ask them to make connections and recognize patterns in the new ideas you are presenting. These techniques allow your group to begin to develop trust in themselves and their thoughts, which in turn develops their critical skills.

At the conclusion of your discussion, to further develop critical thought, ask your participants to write out the most significant thing they learned AND what single thing they would like to learn more about. This is immediate feedback about what they are learning and what they still need to understand. When presenting – encourage questions and praise the questioner with these examples: “Good question” or “I am sure others want to know that as well”. When your audience asks questions, this is a great indicator that they are thinking critically.

A commitment should be treated as a binding contract with yourself. However many of us break our commitments.  We commit to people, teams, work, ourselves etc. A commitment is something that you have no doubts about. Something you give 100% of your whole self to.

Patrick Lencioni, in his book The Five Dysfunctions of a Team identified lack of commitment as the third dysfunction in his model for non-cohesive teams. He says, “in the context of a team, commitment is a function of two things: clarity and buy-in. Great teams make clear and timely decisions and move forward with complete buy-in from every member of the team…they leave meetings confident that no one on the team is quietly harboring doubts about whether to support the actions agreed on.”

Commitment is a fulfilling endeavor that when followed through gives an immense sense of accomplishment.  Think about something you have committed to, followed through with to the end, and how you felt at the end knowing you didn’t break it along the way. Pursuing your dream life, weight loss, getting a formal education, going for the big contract and landing it…

Sometimes commitment can be confused with staying with something long after you should.  Like a dead end job or a fruitless endeavor.  If you have any of this in your life, let’s look at it for a moment.  Ask yourself why you are still in something that you have doubts about or don’t believe in or worse yet, that you give less than all of you to.  People pick up on this subtle behavior.  To stay committed to something, you have to put effort in and periodically change up what you are doing to keep it alive and fresh.

Commitments are what grounds you and keeps you active and engaged in life.  Being free and having few commitments sounds so refreshing to many who have spouses, children, pets, jobs, mortgages… but for only a fleeting moment when life feels heavy and burdensome.  We are social creatures who desire connections and relationships with others; a sense of accomplishment and pride in our contributions to making life better for everyone in our lives including ourselves.

Sometimes we need help with our commitments and we seek out this help through our friends, co-workers, spouses, coaches, mentors… By asking for help, we are strengthening our commitment to ourselves and others; we are fulfilling our obligations contractually with ourselves to follow through to the end, no matter what it takes.

As someone is a leadership position commitment is an absolutely necessary quality to possess as you can only influence the people you lead by demonstrating your own commitment to the vison. My mentor and leadership guru Dr. John C. Maxwell’s law of the picture says “people do what people see” so unless your team can see commitment in you, you might just be a taking a solo walk.

On Wikipedia, comfort is defined as a sense of physical or psychological ease and a lack of hardship while uncomfortable are people lacking in comfort.  I disagree!  I am hung up in the word “lacking”.  I think people who are comfortable are lacking.  Let me explain.

When you go along in life and stay within the lines, always on the safe side of the street, not taking risks and staying under the radar, you think you are comfortable.  You don’t ruffle feathers, you don’t cause problems, you avoid drama… Huh!

That is not the life I want to live. Not that I desire to ruffle feathers and be that obnoxious guy no one wants around. Far from it.  I want to be the person that takes the risks, that lives in that uncomfortable zone because that is where I am growing – taking life by the horns.  Experiencing new things.  Having new adventures. Dreaming big dreams and better yet, living the life I desire.

Comfort is a place where boredom sets in.  I define comfort as eating TV dinners in front of the television night after night with nothing worthwhile to say to my spouse while my kids are glued to their fantasy role playing doll games because our life is BORING! And Comfort is where I think those people live that are afraid of going for the big promotion because they live in fear that they aren’t good enough.

Good enough…that is another philosophy I don’t subscribe to.  We are all good enough.  In fact we are better than good enough.  Good enough is not an option with me.  Did I always think this way? No.  I lived in comfort until one day a mentor pushed me.  I didn’t know he was my mentor at the time.  He was my pastor and he pushed me to dream bigger dreams. He pushed me to want more out of life. To go after the big fish.

I have physical and psychological ease because I am reaching for the stars and I am going to do whatever it takes to get there!  My mentor pushed me and changed my thinking – he said – even though you don’t believe it now, trust in my belief in you. He said “if you don’t stand for something you will stand for anything”. That was motivation enough for me – I trusted in his belief that I could and wow did my life change.  My mentor got me out from in front of that television and off the couch to living life!  And the best part is now I am mentoring others to achieve their dreams.  Comfort is not my goal – I’ll take uncomfortable any day!

If the facts don’t fit the theory, change the facts. ~ Albert Einstein

I love that quote!  Change is that scary word that most people shy away from.  I don’t want to change.  Why should I change?  Why doesn’t everyone else change to accommodate me?  If I change, then I will be out of my comfort zone.  Why change something that isn’t broken?

Change.  Asking someone to change is like expecting the sun to not rise.  Isn’t it a pointless request?  Change comes from within.  Change is something we do with ourselves.  Only we can control us, no one else.  So why ask, expect, anticipate, anything from someone else?

Let’s focus on how to change us.  First why would anyone want to change themselves?  Is it because they don’t like the outcome?  Have you ever had a conversation with someone and you really want to change their mind about something?  You try so hard to convince them that your point of view is right and theirs is wrong!  Can’t they see that?  I mean do they realize just how foolish their ideas are?  Ha!

Cause and Effect.  Facts and Theory.  Yin and Yang.  If you don’t like the end result, then you need to change the actions.  If the facts don’t fit the theory, in other words, the end result of the facts is not the theory then the facts must change.  Your actions (cause) create an end result (effect).  If you don’t like the effect, change the cause.  If you want a particular effect, but aren’t getting it, then change the cause.

It is really simple but we complicate it because we think it is everyone else that needs to change and not us.  Stop.  Take a breath.  Read that again.  It is really simple.  We want a different end result.  We need to make a change.

If you want to convince someone you are right and they are looking at you like you have three eyes… stop.  Look within.  Why do you want to convince anyone of anything?  If someone cannot see your point of view for whatever reason, if someone is doing something that you do not like, if someone or something is not what you expected… then look within.  Look at what you are doing, thinking, saying,… take the blame off others and look at your actions and make the necessary changes and adjustments to achieve the end result you so desire.

So many people wish life was easier, with less challenges and obstacles but without challenges, life becomes stagnant and we stop growing.  Challenges help us uncover who we are and it allows us to become better people.

Let’s examine a very simple 4-step method to overcoming challenges.

1.  State the problem clearly.  When we are faced with challenges, we tend to avoid the issue and run the other way burying our heads in the sand hoping it goes away.  Or we may say – ok, there is an obstacle, instead of heading right to it and plowing through, I am going to look for another path and even though that is not the way I want to go – it looks easier… less headache… but rarely does that work out.  When we avoid or go out of our way, we cause more headache in the end.  It takes more of our time, it takes more of our energy and we don’t get the end result we are looking for.  So take this time to understand what the challenge is.  Ask yourself what is the question, what is asked of me, what is the main goal? Write this down on paper.
2. Identify what you have at your disposal – what resources are available to you to work through this challenge? List all of these resources out. These should include things such as tangible assets – money, computer, books, etc.  And then what skills you have, what are your strengths to work through this?  Don’t forget others – what access do you have to others that can help?

Third, design the strategy to overcome this challenge.  Utilize all your assets to create a plan of action.  You may find this plan will need to be tweaked as you execute and that is ok.  Keep at it.

Lastly, execute the strategy with effort and determination.  Do your very best with all you have to overcome your challenge.

If you find that you still cannot overcome a challenge, then re-evaluate.  If your strategy just won’t work because it isn’t viable or effective then change it. If your strategy doesn’t work because you didn’t execute it well enough, be persistent and tweak your efforts, giving it more.

Practice this method on small challenges and see how easy it is to overcome.

Then try it on the big rocks!

Behavior defined can be a physical thing one does such as a morning routine, it can also be non-physical such as replaying negative thoughts all day long. A few behaviors are instinctual and built in while the rest are learned through meeting needs.  What this means is that our behaviors are motivated by our needs and therefore we can be manipulated as well as manipulate to have our needs met.

So when we have negative behaviors and we want to change them, we find it isn’t always so easy because these learned behaviors that we exhibit are actually rather complex.

There are two types of motivation – the motivation to approach something and the motivation to avoid something.  When we desire something, we are motivated to approach it therefore receiving positive reinforcement or feedback.  When we avoid something, we are motivated to move away from it or we will receive negative reinforcement or feedback.  This is pretty simple.  We understand that when we eat something sweet, most of us have a pleasant experience and when we eat something sour, our faces pucker and we try to avoid that experience again.

But let’s look at those things we approach or avoid because those things don’t create the behavior, we do.  Some people desire the adrenaline rush of jumping out of an airplane. It is exhilarating – it is something they repeat again and again as it has a positive effect on them and they desire that and are motivated to seek that experience.  Some people avoid even the thought of getting on an airplane due to their learned fears that it will absolutely crash and they will die no matter what statisticians say – forget purposefully jumping out of a perfectly good airplane!  Did the airplane create these behaviors?  No!  We learned them.  And each of us react differently to different things, experiences, tastes, smells, thoughts, etc.  All because of our own personal thoughts and behaviors.

So how do you change your behaviors?  Your thoughts?  Let’s say you want to become a public speaker but you are petrified of speaking in front of people.  How can you overcome this fear, build confidence, perform and knock it out of the park?  You have to change your behavior so that you are motivated to approach public speaking effortlessly without turning into a sweaty mess.

Practice. Anything you try for the first time will be clumsy and awkward, maybe even out rightly difficult.  By practicing your speech – over and over again until it is so ingrained in you and flows off your tongue as if it is just another story you are telling a friend, you build your confidence to speak to several friends or a small group… until you are ready to speak to a large audience.  It’s Practice. The sae for any other thing you desire.

Shaping.  Practice your speech and ask your audience (family members, friends, mentor, coach) for feedback.  Try giving it several different ways.  Break down the speech into bits and mix it up.  All the while correcting your approach and delivery until you shape your presentation and performance.

Chaining.  Very good and effective speeches, keynote talks, sales pitches… are complex.  They are made up of many components within the speech to get you to the end result you desire – sell a product or service, teach a thought or program, build rapport with your audience, create new clients, whatever your end result is, your speech has to be built on a frame and chaining is how you piece it together so there is a natural flow, a rhythm that mesmerizes the audience. Think about a really good comedian who gets up on stage and tells little stories for the whole set and the last story wraps up and circles back to the first story – bringing the evening to a close so naturally and you give a standing ovation because you were mesmerized by how good he was – he practiced, shaped each story or joke, chained them all together and brought it to a close.

By using these techniques, you can change an old behavior that you don’t want for a new one that you do want.  Whatever you want to change, practice your new desired behavior, shape the new behavior by approaching it in different ways and ask for feedback all the while tweaking it, chain all the components of the new skills you are now mastering together and now you have successfully changed your behavior.